Tag Archives: jokes

It’s all in the perspective

A young doctor examined an old man.  “And how do you feel”?  the young doctor asked.

“Not so good,” the old man sadly said.  “My left leg is giving me fits, it hurts something awful!”

“Oh, don’t you think that’s just old age, my friend”?

“No,” the old man said.  “My right one is the same age as my left, and it don’t hurt none!”

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Old age never lies

A newspaper interviewed a grizzled old man, sitting with his hands folded in his lap, behind his farmhouse.

“Sir, I’d like to know the secret of your long life.” asked the reporter.

“I drink a gallon of whiskey, smoke fifty cigars, and go out dancing every day of my life,” said the man.

“Remarkable!” said the reporter.  “And exactly how old are you?”

“Twenty-seven,” was the reply.

Unscheduled

He drove me to the depot

And just caught the 7:10.

As soon as he jumped on the train

It started to move again.

The car keys in his pocket

The train gone down the track

I sit here with my bathrobe on

Now how the heck do I get back?

(p. nicol)

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A friend indeed

You say you’ll climb mountains

Or dive in the sea for me,

You’ll go on a far journey

Or climb up a tree for me.

You say if I need you

You’ll stick our your neck for me;

But tell me now, please,

Will you cash a small check for me?

(r.a.)

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Love

A wife told her husband, “You never tell me you love me.”

“Oh yes I did,” he replied.  ‘I told you that when we were married.”

“But that was 20 years ago, ” she sighed.

“Okay,” he answered, “I love you.  This time don’t forget it.”

As far as I go

A woman slipped on a station escalator and started to tumble down to the bottom.  Halfway down she collided with a man, knocking him down, and the two continued downward together.

After they had reached the bottom, the woman, still dazed continued to sit on the man’s chest.

Looking at her, he said politely, “I am sorry madam, but this is as far as I go”.

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Money issues

A teenage was enthusiastically describing her new boyfriend to her father.

“He sounds very nice dear.” said the father, “but does he have any money?”

“Oh, you men are all alike,” answered the girl.

“Bob asked the same thing about you.”

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Dogs in my hotel

A woman wanted to spend a month at a new resort hotel, but before packing her luggage, she took the precaution of writing the hotel manager to be sure that dogs were permitted in the hostelry. The manager had a couple of dogs he was very fond of himself. He sent her this letter:

“Dear Madam:

I have been in the hotel business for some twenty-eight years.  Never in all that time have I had to call the police to eject a disorderly dog at four o’clock in the morning.  Never once has a dog set the bedclothes afire by carelessly throwing away a lighted cigarette.  Never has a dog stolen my towels, bedspreads, or silverware.  Of course your dog is welcome at my hotel.

Sincerely,

The Manager

P.S.  If the dog will vouch for you, you can come too.”